To forgive is a choice that I have to face. In life, people have hurt me and I have been trampled on and I have also shared in the pain when a friend, cousin, a family member is hurt. And with all the drams we are faced with we are called to forgive.
But what is forgiveness? Personally, forgiveness for me is not holding any bitterness, anger, resentment towards the person who is responsible for causing the pain and not trying to look for revenge. But to forgive I must not pretend that the incident did not happen, I must not pretend that I wasn’t hurt, I must not make excuses for the person responsible however keeping this in mind to seek forgiveness and to forgive is easier said than done because to forgive is one thing and to forget is another.
When I choose to forgive I try not to dwell on the past. I focus on the present and look to the future and with a pinch of hope that time will heal and lessen the pain. And when I choose not to forgive I have come to realize that my healing process cannot take place and I continue to harbour resentment, anger, and bitterness and thus allowing me to relive the traumatic event.
There are other times that I do ask the question of why I should forgive a friend, partner, cousin, workmate who has broken my trust. It is hard to forgive especially when my heart is being trembled on and my trust betrayed. But when I choose not to forgive others I think that it is my lawful option to do it so that they may pay for what they have done and this would make me feel that I am in control by not letting them off. And often at times, this is my way of hurting them back. But the longer I carry on and the longer I do not forgive it causes me unnecessary stress and it has an impact on my well being and relationship with others and it can be very toxic.
But how do I forgive? Strangely there is no set formula for forgiving someone. Small petty minor hurts can be brushed aside but when someone wilfully hurts me or negligently hurt those who I care about I am angry. However, to be angry is not wrong but I keep watch of it and learn to control it and learn how to express my anger in a non-violent way. To forgive someone is a long journey because it involves a whole range of emotions. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is an act that requires courage. It is not a sign of weakness. Forgiving someone does not mean that I have ignored or overlook the wrong. It is recognizing the wrong. But in order to forgive others, I must myself learn to forgive myself first and this is done by first acknowledging what I have done and how I have contributed and accepted the fact that it cannot be changed. But to forgive a friend, partner, lover, workmate does not mean that the relationship has to continue. When there is no trust it doesn’t make forgiveness irrelevant. Asking for forgiveness is still important because without it I can not move forward from the painful experience.
I am called to forgive those who have wronged me. I am called to ask for forgiveness from those whom I have offended. Because without it than Jesus dying on the cross is meaningless.
Romano Reconstructed 